Writer’s Therapy/ New Project

Okay, so I am most certainly probably bipolar, or depressed, or just one of those awkwardly depressing stages of creatively intelligent, but I really really really want to be happier overall and it has been an ongoing struggle this past year. I can’t bring myself to go to pills for help, because I like my brain the way it is (most of the time) and don’t want to fuzz up my thoughts. I also don’t feel like a therapist will help, because, well, quite frankly I only listen to myself. So, here’s my latest project in trying to help myself: basically, it’s a stream of the conscious journal that I feel can be turned into something helpful/ interesting to read for others.

Things to do to fight depression:

  • Socialize
  • Walk
  • Stay busy
  • Be passionate about something
  • Call your mom (or dad)
  • Pet your animals
  • Fridays. Conversely, get ready for the backlash on Mondays.

***********This is a document I do not like looking at, reading over, or thinking of ideas for on good days. Why even turn my brain this way? Adios document!

Oh, hey, it’s me, just about 7 hours later. Just wanted to remind myself that my impatience may literally be the thing killing me slowly. Stress, social anxiety, and impatience for success drive me batty each and every day. So here’s what I need:


  • Not to give two shits what anybody thinks of me (you were right dad)
  • To be patient, slow down, and focus on one thing at a time
  • To enjoy the little things way more

Do you ever feel way too heavy with the expectation to be something greater, to do something greater? Sometimes I feel like laying my head down on my keyboard and crying because I have so many ideas and so many great thoughts, it’s just too hard to make any of them come to fruition.



Today I feel unbelievably lucky, lucky to be alive, to feel my body working, to be so deep in love with such an amazing person, to have such a big, loving, supporting family, and to have all my intelligent/creative/career/travel opportunities.

I feel the need to give back to any and everybody, to let all know I love and appreciate them, and to strengthen friendships and relationships.

As far as adulting outside of work goes today, I waited on hold for 30 minutes to try to pay my health insurance premium and looked up how expensive nuclear- fallout shelters are…too expensive.


Today I feel nothing, not depressed and overwhelmed, and also not happy and blessed. I feel like I am here because I have to be, and like I am busy, and like I am overall discontented with the pointlessness of the day to day.


3 thoughts on “Writer’s Therapy/ New Project

  1. As someone who was suffering from anxiety disease and depression, and still is suffering from it at times, I can sign a couple of things in your post. I basically fought back on my own, I wouldn’t say that I am 100% healthy, but maybe 80% which is a big step.

    I was in a therapy, and I am the same like you, I didn’t give a shit about what I learned there, mainly because I knew all those tips and strategies from internet reading much before I begun with the therapy. While I tried 20 sessions, I eventually told my therapist that it got worse during the therapy, because I am self-determined, and I really dislike the therapy. It was simply too aparent that they got their knoledge out of a book, but when you suffer with this disease, book knowledge is the least what you need. I don’t know, therapy might help for some, but not for me,

    Checking your list, this is really what I usually suggest people… the things in your list really helped me more over the years.

    – I got a pet, a cat… helped me to appreciate my time, focussing on another creature, forgetting my own problems. And well, cats are just cute and will make you happy 😉

    – Having a supportive but private network… friends and family (quality over quantity).

    – Starting with hobbies that got me outside, like photography for example

    – Also related to photography in a way, enjoying the nature outside, even alone. There is nothing with more healing power than walking through a forest or hiking at the river while listening to birds and so.

    – Yes, stay busy, even inside… I have some creative hobbies at home, like Photoshop, blogging, or just non-creative like PC gaming. This keeps me going and happy.

    – Again related to photography and also nature, but deserves to be listed seperately. Hiking! Long hikes. When I walk miles over miles, it sounds like burning off energy, but it really isn’t, in fact I always felt that I had more energy after my hikes. Also I started to chat with some people during my hikes, not easy with social anxiety, but over time it became more easy.

    So, if you ask me, I agree, setting those personal goals is much more effective than listeing to life advice of a stranger (therapist), because we are individuals, with individual ideas of what makes us happy again or what could help us. Creating a list of what that could be, this is truly a good idea. I feel so good today that I sometimes not know if I should still call myself ill, that’s why I come up with percentages like I am 80% ok (laugh).

    1. Wow Dennis, thanks so much for your response, it’s really good to know you did it basically on your own. I love your list also, i’ve been spending a lot of time taking my dog on hikes with me here lately, I just need to focus more on my photography when I go. I hope all is going well with you!

      1. Thanks, I am really fine at the moment. Yes, hiking with your dog is a good idea, and photography can distract you too… I am sure this will help you too. It doesn’t happen over night, but with time these activities can increase life quality a lot and can get someone with depression and so back on track 🙂

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