S[he] Dies

This is a chapter out of my new novel S.h.e. It’s creepy, it’s so close to being real, and it’s what’s in my head daily. Read, enjoy, comment, repeat.


What they didn’t tell you about the fallout is that not only is it terribly dangerous to be moving around above ground in any way, it’s just as dangerous to be sitting underground waiting also, the panic attacks inevitably coming in stronger and stronger waves, crushing your life force just as quickly as breathing in the toxic (maybe, they didn’t even really clarify that) air would.

It was odd, she had waited her whole life for this to happen, in a way, and now that it was happening she really had no idea what to do with herself. After all that thinking, panicking, planning, and fantasizing about this, she couldn’t think of her next move for the life of her (that phrase should be done away with when the world isn’t expecting life after 72 hours).

She was probably more prepared than it seemed though, her brain was just trying to catch up with her environment. She had this bunker that she had obviously survived in, she had an emergency cell phone sort of thing that would allow her to contact help and/or family, and she had a year’s worth of food and water.

She did not have her fiance. She did not have their ‘forever’ life comfortably tucked under her grip. She did not have her sanity. Therefore, she had to leave, she just wasn’t prepared yet.

She also wasn’t prepared for the sounds, the constant screeching, booming, and crying that would follow such an attack.

Have you ever had an experience where you heard a sound so memorable that it almost sticks to your skin, it makes you shudder for weeks afterward because it’s still on you, the vibrations of the sound refusing to melt away, even in your most sweaty effort?

That’s what it was like walking around now, above and below, it was like you were living in a slaughterhouse that caught on fire; you have to live with the unnatural screams of the animals all day and all night long.

She glanced at her emergency ‘phone’, truly a bulkier version of a walkie talkie that allowed her to contact 3 previously programmed numbers of the same phone type, as well as tune into any possible radio frequencies.

She remembered asking her fiance if they should buy one after hearing her father ramble about his, his conspiracy theorist showing in her particularly well that day. He laughed at her at first, then upon seeing she was actually considering it he scrunched up his face in the way that always made her laugh and said ‘if it makes you feel comfortable, do it, just use your own money this time, crazy girl’.

Yeah, she was the crazy one, and yet she was here, alive, and he was…where was he? He had gone to work like normal today, she had called him and told him she was heading here after the sirens, and he said he was on his way. It was that simple, that quick. Where could he possibly be now, after it happened?

Her mind literally refused to go to the obvious option, death, immediate particle destruction upon impact while driving here. Instead she thought; ‘buying ice cream to calm me down’, ‘waiting outside to see how long it takes me to get mad and come look’, ‘helping a hot girl along the way’ because damned if her jealous brain still didn’t latch on to comfortable irrational thoughts even in the midst of this worldwide shitstorm.

So she was crazy.  

A whole hell of a lot that mattered anymore, anyway. The urge she had built up inside to scream, and to cry out of anger at whoever the hell gave her such a great love in her life and then took him away again, literally blew him out of her world like he was nothing, was so strong she choked on it.

She used to think that when this happened it would be so unfair to all the children, all the little newborn babies with peach fuzz blooming like late summer wildflowers on their heads, all the 4 year olds who never learned to ride their bikes because it had rained too much that week, all the 12 year olds who never had a first kiss, even though they dreamed of it being magical and passionate and not at all sloppy, and yet here she was, positive that she had the most unfair situation of them all.

She and he had planned, for so long, their family, their house goals, their …forever together.

And now he was fucking gone, he was destroyed, and she was too destroyed to move.

 

 

See More of Her Here: https://throughdanielleseyes.wordpress.com/2016/06/27/s-h-e/

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