She had been steadily losing control of her life for years now. Her thoughts so often spiraled out of control that she constantly found herself grasping for something to hold on to, but everything was fleeting. She did not know how she felt about politics, men, love, success, money, or religion. Things that used to make her comfortable no longer did, and she felt an overwhelming uselessness and hopelessness. She felt she needed answers and confirmation, which she also felt would never come, not even in the end. She needed to not feel split between the confines of madness and numbness, she needed to find a peaceful purpose not so drenched in mental turmoil.