Every Monday is Manic for me, but today especially. (If you haven’t caught on, Mondays on Throughdanielleseyes are Mental Health days).
I’ve toyed around with the idea of a weird personal confession/ inside-my-head novel, going along with my theme of mental health and finding balance in thirst for knowledge, creativity, and hope in our decaying society.
But that’s a bit much, isn’t it?
Well, my thoughts of attacking such a task are to simply write down my thoughts/ mental status each day, hoping that over a span of a year I will see definite highs, lows, improvements, and setbacks in experimenting with therapy, mood stabilizers, and natural solutions such as meditation and exercise.
That’s really personal stuff to share, isn’t it? Yes, it is! But hopefully it helps those who feel the same way, in particular, any busy creative types who struggle with their thoughts daily. So here goes!
Lately, I am feeling very ill, mentally, and it is affecting my relationship, career, and day to day life. The problem is, THERE IS NOTHING WRONG (Deja Vu for anybody keeping up with my weekly rants, I am genuinely sorry they get so repetitive, I just feel like these thoughts are blocking my creative writing abilities so this is my writing for a bit on Mondays). My life is going on the path I have always wanted it to and generally, I am a pretty lucky individual overall. I am loved, I have a great job, a big family, and a roof over my head, a new one at that.
I feel generally isolated in my position at work, am constantly second guessing my abilities/self-worth, and am really overbearing relationship wise due to a lack of personal friendships or friendship with myself.
With starting therapy I am realizing that I am an immature and overcontrolling person in my relationship and I am beginning to think I can’t change that. I am also realizing I am not the nicest person in general, a huge pitfall that makes me feel isolated daily.
With starting doctor’s visits I am realizing that maybe my brain is a bit off kilter, and this isn’t just me going crazy, it’s just an imbalance and it’s completely fixable.
Then again, maybe nothing is wrong at all and this is all normal.
Maybe ranting about it is really stupid and a waste of time, maybe I should refocus all my energy on being social and exercising and making friends and helping others.
Maybe I really am the worst person in the world for being so mean and overbearing and selfish.
Maybe I’m doing fine, though, and this is all in my head.
Here’s to continually trying to become a better person, and also to continually trying to further our inner creativity.