Happy Mental Health Monday!
Today is my personal therapy day, so I am going to keep going with the odd stream-of-consciousness mental health diary post I began last month.
These thoughts are raw and personal, but again I am hoping that others can connect with my posts, follow the progression of thoughts over time, and improve with me as I share my therapy and self-help journey.
- 2/20 Why am I sad again? Miss friends.Feel old.Stagnant learning period in life.Want kids.Nobody likes me.I can’t stop being fat and lazy.
- 2/24 I had a couple immature days in a row and more rage than usual. I really think that the pills are helping even me out but that I am lashing out about my social aspect/not having hobbies/friends. I get immature and insanely jealous when my fiance hangs out with people and while he is being patient and understanding lately, I know it is a big problem and he will eventually not want to deal with it.
Beyond the relationship, though, I want to be a healthy individual, both physically and mentally, and that means finding my maturity again.
- 2/28 I find myself being highly productive yet struggling with seeing the purpose in it all – hopelessness – maybe the pills aren’t working, because this week has seemed normally high and low lI’vei’ve been used to.
- 3/1 Why keep trying for photography jobs and projects, or my daily blog and submitting writing, and having my name and branding allllllllllllll over the internet? Besides money and possible fame, all I am doing is making myself very public and running my mind rampant in all directions, it’s not very organized overall. I mean hell, just google me. Or my blog. Or my company. There is way too much.
- 3/5 I’m feelin’ some type of way today. I am positive and really really proud of myself/proud of my work. I know this job stresses me out to no end sometimes but I don’t think I’d rather be doing anything else and I’m lucky enough to do what I always have wanted to do in this small town of Missouri. My work is awesome, I’ve done a really impressive amount of it, I’m highly organized and efficient, and my social media skills are growing each and every day (solid account growth continuously). Mentally I am too hard on myself, but at the same time, I want to do more than I am even as I am typing this. I am really great at what I do and I want to be bigger. Also, life is a miracle in general, I’m alive, brent and I are in love, we are moving to our own home soon, and I have a hold on my bipolar/depression/whatever. My weight isn’t great but fitness and happiness are more important than scale numbers. My eating and smoking are getting out of hand, but hey, I’m happy right?
- 3/18 Today I feel overall OCD. I have tried to explain it many times before, and my doctors think what I am explaining is mania, but I have it daily even if I’m not depressed. I am feeling like my mind is going a million miles an hour and I cannot keep up. I have started several projects and dropped them (and came back to them) and am constantly trying something new as far as photography and writing jobs and opportunities go. I get so exhausted without even doing anything physical, and I feel like maybe sometimes this depressed me? Overall I feel like my issues remain with my personal immaturity, jealousy, and self-confidence issues and that maybe these pills were a cop out because I felt too overloaded with personal issues?
- 3/20 Since self-confidence is such an issue I have been driving myself batty trying to stop from being a social media and selfie whore, yet those likes and comments really do bring my ego and self-image up. This has got to change. I only need myself to like the way I look.
Keep in mind that it is the official International Day of Happiness, so let’s end on a really great note! Quick shots from past springs, all rights reserved Profreshionally Simple Photography.