I know I just posted, but it feels nice to get these thoughts out.
Feeling the fear of losing a past lover, of burning a bridge that still burns within you, is a seriously unwelcome, yet familiar, feeling.
Those in committed relationships, in marriages and in worlds of forever, should not feel this way.
Yet still today visions of our skin pressed together, of your laugh, of your hands, sends shivers down my spine and through my soul.
And it’s not just you. It’s the other half of my previous heart. It’s the boy who loved me more than I loved him, that my mind wanders to. It was an impulse never acted on, and now, years later, alone, it feels real to me. It feels like the time he first put his hands down my pants. It feels like the first time I saw him cry and held him. It feels like forever.
Yet neither of these memories are forever. My forever is at home, waiting for me. And I am more in love with him than any of the past impulses, but why is it so hard to let go of them?